Purpose

We found out today that Snickers, our precious black lab, died yesterday. Very sad day for the family. But for some reason it was really hard for me, not just loosing Snickers but missing home. I'm not sure if the rest of the family is dealing with it too, just privately, but the more I'm in Canada, the more I just want a home. But it's not the "oh why me" anymore...more like "God, this is so incredibly hard...please please use me."

For some reason, although today was hard...I kept on thinking of the good things. Like, I love my family dearly. I like my work. I'm happy to be able to go to college even though I have NO money haha. So even though I'm content, I almost feel purposeless....like as if in Togo I knew my purpose and I had a role. And as long as I could fill that, I felt like I was in the right place. But now I'm sort of wandering looking for my niche. Which can't be found when you move so much, so I suppose I have to be content being unpurposeful.

I mean, I suppose God uses us when we think we are most unusable. When we are at our lowest, He shines the brightest.

Imagine a dark room that is filled with people. The crowd is dispersed into little clutters, each discussing their own topic, gossipping or sharing the news. Girls are huddled with girls and guys are playfully punching each other in the arm, while frequently glancing at the girls. Music is playing softly in the background. One person, an attractive girl to be sure, but not one to cause everyone to stop and stare, stands in the middle of the room. She slowly looks and decides to arouse the people. What use are they just standing there, she thinks. I can get them to do more. So she decides to get them excited, to show them what she can do. She stands on the only table in the middle of the room and begins her speech, some turn, other's shake their heads. Some laugh at her pathetic attempt to prove herself, to make something out of this dark room. Becoming louder she decides that volume is the way the people will take notice of her, the way to make herself known, loved and admired. Finally after several minutes she backs down, scoots off the table and retreats into a corner. The very few that had turned to watch her, much more in amusement that respect, return to their respective groups and quickly forget about the pathetic girl. All confidence, although little, that she had vanished. Sitting down she curls up her legs and hugs them, withdrawing into a cloud of self pity. She slowly blinks, closing her eyes momentarily to resist the tears. Upon opening she sees a man. He was standing in front of her smiling, confused she quirks her eyebrow in his direction, not recognizing his face from one in the room. His expression softened as she quickly stood up and wiped her face. He did not seem out of the ordinary. No special appearances or clothing that made him jump out in the dimly lit room...though, something was different. And for heavens sake why was he smiling at her, did He actually like her little sporadic speech? He touched her shoulder and with pride in His eyes He simply said, "I'll take over from here." On first look, it appeared no one had taken notice of the man, why should they, they were all wrapped up in their own conversations. He made his way to the centre of the room, taking slow strides, but did not proceed to stand on the table as the girl had a couple moments earlier. Instead of talking to everyone at once, He began to go around the room, addressing each group individually, and each person at one time, getting to know them throughout and completely before moving on. The girl stood in the corner, amazed at His talent, and wondering why she hadn't thought of doing the same. With awe she noticed that as each person came to talk to the man, the room was slowly becoming brighter. The conversation slowly withered out as He became the centre of attention. The room, now bright, was quiet and hushed and every ear was on the One. With fear the girl realized who it was, and fell to her knees in the corner, several people blocking Him from her sight. She closed her eyes and wept uncontrollably, understanding that her attempt to make a difference; had not included Him. With a gasp she felt His hand on her shoulder once again, but saw now with understanding. He wrapped her in a warm embrace and whispered in her ear, for only her to hear; "My dear child. When you are weak, I am strong. When you fail, I will succeed. And when the world of darkness pushes you away, cling to Me and I shall show you the way."